Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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