I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
