dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
