at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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