Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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