Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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