Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
