I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
