SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Success! We fucked roommates!
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
