She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
