You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
