I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
