You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
