nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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