It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
