We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You are the jesus of drinking
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
