fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
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