My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
