I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I can't turn off my feet"
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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