you have to choose: penises or morals?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
