The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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