How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
