Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
