it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I am spending my child support on dildos
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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