Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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