break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
