do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
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