So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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