You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Randomize
