Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
she peed on how many people?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
