If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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