I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
not ubering you a puppy
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
