Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
