I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
