i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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