all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Houston, we have a blender
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Let's paint friendship bongs
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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