I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Randomize
