I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I fill condoms, not promises.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
