whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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