I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
