There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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