my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
