Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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