This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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