They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
