I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
