there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
