Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
So squirting runs in the family.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
