If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
try to milk me bitch
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