Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Randomize
