I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
